City of Zoar
by Albion19
Summary: Searching for her missing daughter Amelia crosses paths with Castiel. AU. Set during "The End " timeline when the croatoan virus is released and Cas is a hippie waster.
1. Chapter 1

Waves lap at the shore and gulls cry out loudly, riding the wind currents that make her hair fly about her head. Pebbles shifting under her feet she turns, shielding her eyes from the hazy sun as she stares across the beach.

A middle aged man was standing not too far from her, watching the seagulls swooping overhead. He looks confused and as she decides to walk in his direction he begins digging into his pockets.

"Hi."

Startled, he shoots his head up, wobbling on the stones underfoot. "Jesus! You scared the life outta me!"

"Sorry."

"It's ok...have - have we met before?" He looks at her closely, stalling for a moment from searching his pockets.

Claire shrugs. "I don't think so. Are you looking for something?" She narrows her eyes at him, looking over his features more carefully. He was in his fifties, balding and had a cheerful, scatterbrained air about him. Maybe there was something familiar about him...

"Yes, this!" He exclaims happily, pulling out a small envelope from his back pocket. Claire peers closer at the handwriting scrawled on the front.

_Dear Thomas,_

_Don't open this until you feel you __absolutely__ have to. Thanks for all the faithful years._

_Z._

"Who's Zee?"

Thomas shakes his head. "I dunno...but I think that's ok, don't you?"

She did. Claire didn't know why but she felt that everything was perfectly fine. They were safe here, _meant_ to be here. The blankness of her past doesn't trouble her, just as it doesn't bother Thomas. Wherever they are is exactly where they should be and over there, across the sea, was not.

The balding man in the suit and the teenage girl walk from the beach to the pretty town beyond, greeting others that they pass warmly. Reaching the right house they're met by a boy, solemn and quite. He smiles in greeting at Claire and she looks away, surprised.

"Welcome to Zoar. I'm Jesse Turner." 

* * *

"Bastards!"

The bullet is expelled from the barrel with a massive force, sending shock waves through her body. Before it had sickened her, made her feel frightened of it but now she rides those waves. But never gladly, she had to do this to survive.

The croat howls as his foot is blown off and falls to the floor. The others crowd around him, watching as he dies. They were awful things, viscous and merciless but sometimes she wonders if there is some humanity in there. They don't attack their own.

Bullets fly past her head, deafening and Amelia hits the ground, crawling to the wall and away from the line of fire. She had been driving through the city when she had been ambushed, the croats sniffing out new blood. She had managed to get out alive but her makeshift home was now being hammered by gun fire. She watches as they cram inside the caravan, away from the bullets.

Soldiers laugh at this mindless act and slam the door behind them, jamming it closed and set the van on fire. It shakes, the windows shatter and the gunfire begins again. Amelia keeps herself to the shadows, careful not to be noticed by the soldiers and hastily makes her way out of the city. If she was caught they would asses her for infection and if found clean she would be moved into quarantine. It had happened to her before and it was not something she wanted to repeat.

She needed to be out here, on the road, looking for Claire. 

* * *

It starts to rain lightly as she walks down the highway and out into the countryside. All the cars in the city had been torched and it would be hours, maybe days before anyone would pass her by. And then there would be no chance of anyone stopping. Seeing a farmhouse up in the tree-line she vaults over a fence, ignoring the no trespassing sign.

"It's empty."

"Shit!" Amelia spins around, hand reaching for her gun. A man was getting out of a car, decked out in a long black coat and a wholly hat. He looked a little worse for wear, eyes red rimmed and he clearly hadn't had a shave in a few days. Amelia looks up and down the four interconnecting roads. They were empty.

"Didn't mean to startle you." He holds out his hand, offering to help her over the fence. He smiles roguishly. "Come on, I won't bite." Amelia ignores him and climbs over, keeping her distance.

"I didn't hear you coming."

"Guess you weren't listening. I've raided what food they had in the house. I'm willing to share." He smiles again and jerks back to the car. "Where are you headed?"

Amelia stares at him and can't shake the feeling that she knows him. He rather ordinary looking, easily forgotten but still the familiarity needles her.

"I don't actually know. I'm looking for someone, more then one...why would you share your food with me?" She gazes at him suspiciously and he grabs at his chest, mock wounded.

"The world has gone to hell in a hand basket my love but that doesn't mean we have to act like savages does it? There has to be some difference between us and them." He gets into the driving seat and opens the passenger side door. "Coming?"

"I dunno..." She stands undecided, looks back at the house.

"You're not my type if that's what you're worried about? Suit yourself." He moves to close the door but Amelia darts forward with a silent curse and gets in.

"...Thank you."

"Lovely, off we go then." 

* * *

"You're from England?"

He puffs out a long breath. "I was, a long, _long_ time ago now. Hated the place then...but still got the accent, guess that means something at least."

As the hours pass Amelia begins to grow more at ease but never lets her guard down. Something about him is a little...strange. But anyone who wasn't screwed up now would be seen as more then strange. It was expected. She lets him do most of the talking which he seems to enjoy. He was once a great man, powerful and boasts about it without impunity. Now he's reduced to living out of his car, like a fugitive.

"Difference between you and me is that you're running towards something."

"And who are you running away from?"

"The big bad wolf." Fear flashes across his face subtly but it disappears when he suddenly brings out a gun from the glove compartment. "But I've got this beauty." He kisses the barrel and puts it away again. Bemused at this odd man Amelia stares through the dusky light and sees ripples of water through the trees. She sits up in her seat.

"There's a lake, over there."

"I know, it's Lake Chitaque. There's a camp there."

"Is it safe?"

"Oh yes, tighter then a nun's fanny that place." Amelia glares at him in disgust as he laughs, pulling up the car. Trees frame a short road that leads to the entrance gate. Amelia gets out and bends down to peer inside when he doesn't move.

"You're not coming?"

"No, but I'll be around. It's been a pleasure Mrs Novak...tell him Crowley says hello."

Amelia frowns. "What? Who?"

"You'll know. See ya." He pulls away sharply, making her jump back. She watches him disappear through the trees before turning and walking toward the camp. Chink fence blocks her path and she stares up to see cameras pointed at her. Weary she moves into the trees, looking for another way in. Through the fence she can see a rusted car nestled in the grass. Tilting her head she spots that the fence is loose and she tugs at it.

"Don't move. Put your hands where I can see them."

Amelia freezes and then puts up her hands slowly, her heart beating violently as she turns. A woman has a rifle pointed at her chest and Amelia knows that she won't hesitate to shoot her.

"I'm clean. I just need somewhere to stay for the night."

The woman sneers, unimpressed. "Would you like it if I snuck in through your back door?"

"No, god, I'm sorry. I wasn't sure if this was an army base or not. A guy dropped me off here, he said it was safe."

"What guy?" The gun hovers over her face and then back down.

"Crowley, he called himself Crowley."

"What?" This belongs to another voice and Amelia becomes aware they're not alone. A grizzled man in a wheelchair rolls up fiercely and moves himself directly in front of Amelia. "What did you say?"

_Oh god..._wishing that she had just waited at the front gate Amelia describes her journey here and who she travelled with. The man narrows his eyes at her and with a flick of his head Amelia finds herself restrained.

"Hey! Get off me!" She watches appalled as a ring of salt is sprinkled around her and the man in the wheelchair starts to chant. Amelia suddenly has vivid images of her husband frantically throwing salt around and her struggles to get past him. She gapes as the man finishes.

"She's clean. Risa, put down the damn gun." She does, smiling fleetingly in what Amelia takes as an apology. The others around her relax visibly and move off into the camp.

"You - you thought I was a demon?"

"You know about demons?" Risa's brows lift in surprise.

_More then you know..._Pushing away memories of her possession she nods, clearing her throat. "Unfortunately...oh shit, I'm an idiot." It dawns on her, bright and sharp. "He picked me up at a crossroads."

"Well all I can say is that you're a very lucky woman...but he must have brought you here for a reason." He wheels himself into the camp, Amelia and Risa flanking him. Cabins are dotted here and there and people mill around. Children play in the trees.

"I don't know why. I told him that I'm searching for my daughter..." A gong sounds and echoes around them and people begin to head in one direction.

"Dinner. You coming Bobby?"

"No, I'll catch you up. Gonna talk to Dean first." He stares at Amelia, "he'll want to talk to you after you've eaten."

_Dean? _Amelia nods and follows Risa towards a large tent and joins the queue. She and the woman begin a tentative discussion as they sit and eat. Being held at gun point was not the most subtle of ice breakers.

"I'm sorry about that. It's procedure."

"I understand, I would have done the same." Amelia cuts up her salted beef with a small smile. "How long has the camp been in operation?"

"Well it used to be a summer camp, for the kids. I used to work here...me and Yeager set it up when Florida got nuked. He's over there. " Amelia turns to see a man by the tent, he had been dishing out the food. Risa pushes her plate away. "Since then we've gathered a few people...if you're gonna stay here you'll have to chip in."

"Of course, like what?"

"Distributing water for now." They move to a pipe in the ground and Risa turns the tap. "Damn, the water containers are over there." She jerks her chin towards a cabin in the distance. Amelia agrees to gather them. For the first time in over a year she was preoccupied with something other then self survival. She had been so alone, learned to regard large crowds of people as dangerous. This was welcomed.

_Don't get attached, you're not staying..._

She reaches the cabin but doesn't see any water bottles. But a sign points to drinking water so she was in the right place. She climbs the stairs and stops at the beaded curtain that hangs in the doorway. She hears voices beyond, giggles. She tries not to inhale too deeply, the fumes of weed make her head feel woozy. There must be potheads in there...

"Hello? I uh, I need the bottles for the water?"

A voice, female, floats out. "Come in, they're just by the door." More laughter, deep and masculine this time, rumble as she passes through the beads. The room beyond is hazy and dim, a few candles burning and the smell of marijuana is overpowering. Her eyes sweep over the floor to a bed where a man and woman lay. She looks away, embarrassed and heads towards the bottles that lay in a pile which she quickly gathers up.

"Don't be shy. You can join us if you like?" His voice, sluggish and stoned, makes her stomach drop away and she freezes. Her neck feels stiff as she lifts her head up to stare at them again. He appears half asleep, his hair tasselled, as is the woman's lying beside him.

"Jimmy?" She doesn't notice the bottles that slide out of her arms to bounce to the floor, her whole focus is on him, lying half naked under a blanket. It was him, her husband.

"Who?" Amelia's eyes shift to the woman who smiles a peaceful Buddha smile and knows the drugs did not result in that. He rises up on an elbow, eyes squinted in confusion. But as they begin to clear Amelia finds that she can move again. Bottles scatter across the floor as she makes her escape, her mind blaring and reeling. As she bursts through the curtain she sees him peripherally throwing the covers back and jump out of the bed.

"Amelia!"


	2. Chapter 2

"Amelia!" She turns and sees him coming down the stairs, pulling a t-shirt over his head. She runs, feeling desperate to get away from him and the sight she had witnessed. If he caught her she didn't know what she would do...Amelia spots the rusted car and heads in that direction. But before she can reach the hole in the fence someone grabs her arm and she's swung around.

"I think he wants you to stop."

"No, get your hands off me!" She yells at her captor and tries to tug her arm out of his hand. She looks at his face and slowly stops struggling, recognition rising. "Dean Winchester?"

"Yeah..." He narrows his eyes at her but is unable to place her. He lets her go and she moves back. "Cas? What the hell is going on?"

Amelia stares at the man she had run from, her mouth falling open. He comes to a stop a few feet from her, panting a little. In daylight she gets a better view of him and the effect he has on her is electric. Because of this it takes an agonisingly long time for Dean's words to sink in but when they do something in her cracks.

"Cas? Castiel?"

The angel nods, never looking away from her. "Yeah."

A wounded noise issues from her throat and she lowers her head, not wanting them to see her pain. She hadn't any contact with her husband for five years. No phone calls, no letters, nothing. But she would console herself with the knowledge that he was alive, some semblance of him was. It was just the angel that couldn't contact her for whatever reason. There were more important things it had to deal with...

Dean looks awkwardly between them and nods, moving off. Castiel moves a few feet away but doesn't follow Dean. He watches her sadly before finally taking a few steps closer.

"Amelia?"

"I was so - so relieved when I heard your voice. I can't even put it into words, even when I saw you in the bed." She laughs, wiping her hands over her tear stained face. "I thought - I _thought_ -"

"I know what you thought. I'm so, so sorry." He steps closer, reaching for her but she jerks away, faces him.

"I want Jimmy, I want him back." Even as she makes her demands he shakes his head, pitying.

"I can't do that, even if I wanted to."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't have the power to bring him back. I - I'm not really an angel any more..." He looks at the ground to avoid her gaze. The judgement was scorching.

"You can't bring him back? Is - is he dead?"

"No, he's alive," Castiel says, quick to assure her and lifts his head up, "it's like he's asleep in the back of my mind...but I can't do it, I've tried. I'm sorry."

Anger flashes in her eyes but it never surfaces on her face. "Don't apologise to me. You know I blamed Jimmy when he came back, I couldn't believe that he wouldn't get in contact with me, wouldn't be so heartless. But it was you. You couldn't be bothered to tell me that he was alive -"

He shakes his head. "That's not true."

"The hell it's not! You didn't give a shit and you still don't. How long have you been here?" He tilts his head and mumbles a reply under his breath. Amelia's mouth thins. "Two years? I don't know why I'm surprised...I used to tell myself that there was a good reason why you never got in contact. I thought maybe you were protecting us. But I see now I was wrong."

She walks away, brushing past him but he grabs her arm. "Wait! I know you're upset about what you saw and I should prob...," he trails off, head tilting, as he looks deeply into her eyes. "What happened to Claire?"

Amelia stops trying to pull away and regards him with a mute expression but her suffering is clear, it waves off her and he can feel it. "She's gone, someone took her."

"What do you mean?"

"It happened over a year ago. I was in the house and saw her heading into the forest with this - this boy. I ran after them and I almost got to her...she saw me, smiled and then - then they were gone...I've been searching for her ever since. I hoped that maybe I could find you, that you'd help me..." She clearly thinks the opposite, casting him a hard gaze full of judgement.

"Of course I'll help. Amelia, I'll do anything."

She nods, clearly not convinced and looks down at her hands, at the wedding ring that she still wears and then glances at his hands. They're bare. She looks back up, stony. "You're having sex with other women? Without Jimmy's consent?"

His eyes widen and he grows red, shifts guiltily on his feet. "Eh, well, I - uh, it doesn't happen often..."

"You're not Jimmy but you're using his body, one that I happen to be married to, and this, " she touches his face gently, "this is mine." He watches her walk away, thankfully towards the food tent and not the front gates. He touches his skin, where her fingers had been and then looks at his left hand, at the ring that used to be there. His face grows dark with conflict.

* * *

Claire opens her eyes, blinking in the dark. She had been dreaming of when she was a very little girl. About a river. And her...father? The dream becomes faint and her mind lets go of it. No matter how hard she tries to remember she never can and it bothers her. A warning rings in her mind. She shouldn't let anything trouble her, not in this place.

"Are you awake?"

Claire sits up and squints towards the window. "Jesse?" He was kneeling down outside, elbows resting against the sill. She goes to him, lifting the window up and falls to her knees. The night air is balmy and smells of the sea. "Why aren't you in bed?"

He shrugs, "I don't sleep much..." he looks at her shyly and then away. When she had first come here she had thought there was something a little intimidating about him. He never says or does anything threatening but there is this aura around him. He seems much, much older then he actually is.

Now he can hardly look her in the eye. Claire frowns at him and rolls her eyes. Boys. Slipping her feet into some sneakers she casts a look at the other girls that she shares a room with. If they found out about this she would never hear the end of it.

"Where are we going?" They walk down the quite, cobbled street. The other houses, square and built from white stone, are dark. Everyone is asleep.

"To the river."

Claire stares at Jesse in confusion. "River? There isn't a river." She stops and he smiles at her, like he has a great secret.

"Yes there is. Turn around." Claire turns and there it is. A stone bridge arcs over the water that runs smoothly along the stone banks. She walks towards it, still frowning. Jesse sees her expression and his face falls. "You don't like it?" Before Claire can stop herself she shakes her head. She doesn't like the way the water runs so quickly, like a film that had been sped up.

The ground under her feet shakes and she throws her arms out for balance. Waves roar in the distance and the wind picks up, blowing the trees around them harshly. He stares at her, the hurt in his eyes turning into reproach. Claire gasps and grabs Jesse's arm.

"I love it! I - I must have forgotten that it was here." The wind drops down to a breeze and the sea in the distance laps gently. Jesse, very pleased, walks over the bridge like nothing had happened. Claire retains her smile as she goes to him but her mind is whirling with insane thoughts.

_He did this._

* * *

"He has the Colt."

Amelia frowns, watching as the others around the room stir and grumble. Some appear pleased, others disappointed. She looks at Risa but she's staring expectantly at Dean. It was clear who's orders they follow.

"Fantastic." This was Castiel, who smiles sarcastically but it falls when her eyes meet his. She quickly looks away, trying not to show any emotion. She had agreed to stay till the morning and had tried her hardest to ignore him for the most part.

"I don't understand. What's so important about it?" They turn to look at her, sitting at the table beside Chuck and Risa. "I know that he treasured it but, well, it's just a gun."

Dean snorts. "It's a little more then that sweetheart. It's just a gun that can plug the Devil."

"What?" She looks at Castiel for affirmation, unable to stop herself. He was the one person in the room that she felt any kind of familiarity with, even if she knows it's misplaced.

"It's a long story, I'll explain later. Crowley wanted you to see it, wanted us to know he has it..."

"Why would he do that?" Chuck shakes his head, eyes crinkling up in confusion. "Why would he want us to know?"

"I dunno but just knowing that it's in the same friggin State is enough. We'll need to know more before we put anything into action. I'm not taking any chances with that sneaky son of a bitch." Dean nods curtly and walks to the door and the others make a move to leave. Amelia goes to Dean's side, looking up into his tired face.

"He was frightened, he said he was running away from someone. Who would a demon be that scared of?" Even as the words leave her mouth she knows, a truth deep down that she doesn't want to peer at or think what caused it.

"Lucifer," Dean injects quietly, "he's an angel. Imagine the disgust that he has for humans and then triple that by a billion. That's what demons are to him."

"And they're next." Castiel brushes up beside her and she moves aside, glancing at him furtively. "We need to talk."

Amelia purses her lips, not looking at him. "I've said everything I needed to and," she flicks her disappointed eyes over his face, "I've seen enough."

Dean looks between them and throws up his hands. "I'm outta here. I'll catch you in the morning." Lifting his eyebrows at Castiel he departs and walks to his cabin accompanied by Risa.

"Give me a few days?"

"For what?" She looks him in the eye. She had woke to that face every morning, knows the shape and hue that forms his irises even with her eyes closed. Now those eyes are dim and glassy. "You're not what I expected."

He grins and it's awful. "I know, I've fallen on hard times. I'm unemployed and not fit for any kind of work, life, etc, etc..." He sighs and walks out into the night, Amelia reluctantly following at his heel.

"What happened?"

He doesn't answer straight away, more focused on the grass that they're treading on. As his cabin comes into sight he speaks up. "They left me behind because I rebelled...and then, slowly, my nature became...base."

"Base? You mean human?" They stop at the foot of his cabin. Amelia regards him with conflicting emotions. She felt betrayed and completely disenchanted by him but she couldn't ignore how broken he was.

His hand flutters in the air. "Not the best word to use...where are you staying?" He jerks his head behind her, at the other cabins and she turns. She bites her lip and closes her eyes tight to stop herself from swearing. She had nowhere. Turning back she sees that he's moved up the stairs and is now smiling at her from the landing.

"No."

"What? You didn't put your name down for a cabin and it's too late to do it now. Most are full anyway...You can have the bed?" He sweeps his arm towards the door.

"No thank you." Stubbornly she turns to look over the camp. From up here she can see the curve of the lake, the sickle moon high and bright. Beads rattle and bounce behind her and she turns to find him gone. She sits on the bottom stair.

_Stop being foolish, you know you'll eventually give in, so do it now before it's too late to save face._

The voice, scarily like her formidable mother, waspishly jabs at her until she stands and, pushing down her pride, walks through the door. Candlelight blooms and flickers across the walls, giving the room an ecclesiastical air. All the windows are open and Amelia thinks he must have aired it out, to get rid of the aroma of marijuana. He stands in the middle of the room, looking a little sheepish.

"The bed is yours."

Amelia shakes her head. "No and I mean it. I'd rather sleep on the floor. Do you have any extra blankets?" He begins to protest but thinks better of it. Her face is completely blank, arms crossed over her chest. She won't be swayed.

"Fine. They're over there, on the bench. The bathroom is through that door if you want to change. Or have a shower..." He toes off his shoes and sits on the bed, watching as she clutches her bag to her chest and disappears into the bathroom.

Half an hour later she emerges, her hair wet and plaited down her back. He was already in bed, back turned and she quickly gets under the sleeping bag that he had set out on the floor. They both stare with wide eyes into the dark, waiting for the other to fall asleep first. Amelia blinks with heavy lids until finally they remain closed. Castiel smiles.

"Goodnight Mrs Novak."


	3. Chapter 3

_The sun blazes above and the sky is a deep blue, dotted here and there with white clouds. People smile at her as she passes down the street. Everything, from the houses to the trees, gives off a lazy sense of peace._

_Water runs smoothly below the bridge, clear as glass and she follows the river down to the sea. Behind her the view of the town is spread out, shining and bright. There is a clear divide between the land and the sky but not here. The sea does not reach a horizon, it fades away into a murky white mist that obscures anything that might be beyond._

_"It's dangerous through there. Just stay here...please Claire?" Suddenly a great force pulls her, the ground whooshing under her feet, and she closes her eyes tightly.  
_

* * *

Amelia wakes with a gasp, clutching at the wooden floorboards beneath her. Her fingernails dig into the groves but everything remains still. She tries to cling onto the dream she had been having but it starts to fade away as she becomes aware that she's not the only one awake.

"You said to come back later."

It's still dark outside, the candles burnt out hours ago but she can see his body framed in the doorway. Her gaze travels upwards and she can see the curve of a woman's shoulder, curly hair. They talk in furtive whispers.

"I know but now isn't the right time. I'll see you in morning Jane..."

"Wait," the woman lowers her voice even more,"is the session still on tomorrow? The girls were wondering."

_Session? _Amelia frowns, her mind going to the lewdest place possible. Castiel sighs and turns to look down at her on the floor. Amelia pretends to be asleep.

"No, I don't think that will be possible, not for the foreseeable future anyway..." He wishes her goodnight and the woman - Amelia is pretty sure its the same one she saw with him earlier - leaves amiably. The beaded curtain rattles for a few seconds before settling and Amelia opens her eyes again. He's sitting on the bed, looking at her with his head tilted to the side.

The ruse is up. "Sorry you had to hear that."

"And what did I hear?" She sits up on an elbow, "what's a session?" She watches as he stands. He's dressed in a t-shirt and boxers and it's such a familiar sight that she momentarily wonders why she's lying on the floor. Castiel silently inspects the candles, prodding at the blackened wicks before speaking.

"It got out, what I was, and obviously people were curious. At first they would just stare at me from afar, I think they were waiting for me to sprout wings and fly or something...I hated it, I didn't want to explain myself, didn't think I could..."

Amelia gets up from the sleeping bag as he sits on the edge of the bed. After a hesitating moment she joins him. "You didn't want them to know that you're..." she trials off, unable to find an adequate word for his predicament.

"Fallen?" He nods, smiling wryly, "I was a coward, still am...why do you think I never tried to talk to you?" She blinks, shakes her head and he looks away, smile still there but more faint. "I didn't want you to know about this," he waves a hand at his -_Jimmy's_- body, "that he's never coming back and there isn't a thing I can do about it."

Amelia stiffens. "I don't believe that, I won't."

The look in his eyes, so alike her husband's but fundamentally not, shows an emotion that Amelia has only seen a handful of times in her life. It's the look that the very old and the very sick give to those deluded by their own cocksure sense of mortality and are wistfully bemused by it.

"We'll both need a miracle then." Silence spools around them and Amelia stares at the window, watching the sky become lighter. Suddenly she narrows her eyes at him.

"You didn't answer my question."

"Thought I had got away with it, damn..." She smiles as he winces comically before catching herself and growing sombre. "Like I said before they were looking at me for answers, which wasn't something I could give. Well that's what I thought at the time but it's turned out quite different...They just wanted to hear me talk, about everything and nothing. They say that it makes them feel better and who am I to deny them that?"

She isn't sure if he's being sarcastic or not. "So sessions are just...therapy groups?"

He rises, shrugs, "more or less." He clears his throat and Amelia drops it. He's being hedgy and she knows any more prodding will likely reveal something she doesn't want to know. He turns to her, gaze very sharp. "What were you dreaming about?" He strips off his t-shirt and Amelia looks away before mentally scolding herself. She's seen him naked more times then she can count.

"I, uh, can't really remember...the sea, I think."

"Punta Cana?" He pulls a clean t-shirt out of a drawer and then looks around for a shirt.

She tilts her head. "How do you know about that?" Punta Cana is where they had gone for their honeymoon. She had been barely nineteen at the time, not old enough to drink but adult enough for marriage. She had conceived Claire a few months after that...

Castiel taps at his temple. "Because I can remember it."

Amelia's eyes grow wide. "Everything?"

"Hu-hum. I'm gonna have a shower, I won't be long..." watching him closing the bathroom door Amelia stands and goes to his bedside. The sound of water runs as she quietly inspects a number of pill bottles sitting on his bedside cabinet. Amphetamines. There is only a few pills left. Through the gap in the half open drawer she can see other bottles, all full. She steps back, looking at the bathroom in worry, the bottle in her hand.

_He's taking advantage of something that does not belong to him. Is he addicted? Can he even reach that state?_

Not knowing what to say when he exits the bathroom she quickly undresses, pulling some fresh clothes out of her bag. She needs to know more, it's possible she's blowing things out of proportion. Drawing the beads aside as gently as possible she walks out onto the landing and looks at the camp. Mist hovers over the ground, giving the illusion that the cabins float. In the distance she can just make out ghostly looking pine trees and the lake. It's a beautiful sight and soon the sun will burn the mist away.

* * *

Heading in what she thinks is the right direction she walks towards the lake, pine needles crunching under her feet. It's only when she spots water through the branches that she realises she has taken the amphetamines with her. She turns to go back when laughter and whoops echo through the trees and a group of children come bursting out of nowhere.

"Hey! Watch it!" Risa calls after them, rolling her eyes as the kids run around Amelia and begin to search the shore. She smiles at Amelia, joining her and they walk out onto the sand. "You're up early."

"Couldn't really sleep."

"I bet..." she tries and fails to hide her curiosity and Amelia waits. "So are you and -"

"No. The body that he's using belongs to my husband, Jimmy...This is the first time I've seen him in five years."

"Well, that's not awkward at all." Amelia laughs, shaking her head.

"You have no idea," her smile falls as she stares at Risa, considering. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure." Risa watches the children carefully as they play, following in their shadow as they move off. Amelia tries to think of a subtle way of putting it put gives up.

"Is Castiel sleeping with groups of women?" She braces herself and Risa looks at her sharply. At first humour flashes across her features but seeing Amelia's mute eyes she grows serious.

"Yes, I'm sorry. When I first found out what he was I was so...thrown, we all were. But well," her mouth grows tight, "he's not much of an angel."

"No he's not and he knows it...what am I doing here?" she asks herself desperately, looking at the children but not really seeing them.

"How old is your daughter?"

"She'll be fifteen next month. She's been gone for over a year now." Her eyes begin to well up and she blinks rapidly, clearing her throat. Risa moves close, taking her arm.

"If I thought that there was _any_ chance that someone could help me, I'd stay. Even if they are perpetually stoned."

Amelia rubs a hand over her face, looking at Risa with a wince. "Is it that bad?" She receives no answer but a knowing look that says everything.

_Just wait._

* * *

Risa arranges a cabin for Amelia to reside in but only one is available, with the children. They had found them, all but living wild, after their parents had been infected and took them in.

Amelia doesn't like to think of them as wild cats but there's something in their eyes, feral. The youngest, only three, clutches at her leg as she stands with her hands on her hips, surveying the room.

"This place is a mess. How do you even move?" She looks down at his little face but he only stares with huge eyes, silent. She brushes his hair back gently as Castiel suddenly appears at the door.

"There you are! Hey little guy," he smiles and picks up the little boy, bouncing him in his arms. He smiles shyly at Castiel and hides his face against his shoulder. Amelia's smile of approval freezes when she sees the urgent look in Castiel's eyes. She takes the boy out of his arms and sets him down by a table where he begins to draw. They leave him with his sleeping sister and head towards Castiel's cabin.

"I'm just going to get my backpack."

"You're really going to stay there? They're like little savages." She casts him a withering gaze and he throws up his hands. "Fine, don't say I didn't warn you when they're stealing your things." He takes the steps two at a time and flexes his shoulder blades back. She frowns behind him, he has been doing that a lot. She looks around the room but the bag in nowhere to be seen.

"Where is it?" He shrugs innocently and she glares at him in suspicion. She searches everywhere she can think of but it's not in the cabin. Blowing her bangs out of her eyes she gets up from her knees and stands by the bed. "This isn't funny."

"What? I haven't done anything."

"If this is about the pills then here, have them." She shoves the bottle into his hands, her mouth twisting in restrained disgust. He lowers his head down to the bottle and, not looking at her, places it into the drawer. Amelia shakes her head as he turns, his gaze unreadable.

"Go on then, tell me what an awful person I am." He sits on the bed, waiting for her to speak. Amelia calms herself down and suddenly smiles with no humour.

"It's ironic, I remember when I was the one trying to get Jimmy to take his pills but he wouldn't...That was after he walked into traffic, do you remember that?" Castiel nods, silent. "He said that it was to prove his faith, he had to test himself to prove that he was really worthy." She flicks her gaze up and down him before continuing. "The day before Jimmy left he jumped off the roof of our house. I - I felt so scared, I begged and begged him not to do it. He said, and I remember this clearly, that he trusted you completely because you would never bring any harm to him. Then he stepped over the edge and hit the ground. He was fine, not a scratch on him..." she focuses on the sorry sight that sits before her, eyes hooded.

"I'm not harming him," he whispers gravelly, "you don't understand..." he swivels his shoulders back again. Amelia comes forward and thrusts out her hands.

"Give them to me. Now." They lock gazes, each as intense as the other until finally he rises and pulls the drawer out. He throws the contents onto his bed, jaw clenching. Flinging the drawer away he walks out, leaving Amelia to stare at the pill collection.

* * *

A man stands on the beach, looking out over the water. Claire stops, looks behind her. She has been coming down here more and more, Jesse relenting his pursue of her after she promised that she had no intention ever crossing over. And she doesn't, she can't name what dangers lurk over there but she feels that it's very real.

This man has been here for the past week, just standing and watching. Claire moves to stand a few feet away and he smiles softly, glancing at her. He was in his mid thirties, blond and a wedding ring gleams in the light.

"I was wondering when you were gonna stop spying on me."

"I wasn't spying," Claire clarifies, a little too loudly and his smile grows. "I was just wondering why you're always standing here."

He doesn't respond but points at the mist. "You ever notice that it doesn't fade away? Just hangs there, never coming inshore?"

"Yeah..." she frowns, looking more closely at the mist. It hasn't really bothered her before, not until now. "Jesse says that it's dangerous through there. He - he wouldn't lie." She stutters and feels guilty for doing so.

The man nods soberly, still not looking at her. "No, he wouldn't lie...he's right, it's hell over there. But doesn't it feel strange to you? It's unnatural, this whole place is. Where are you from?" He asks suddenly, looking at her intensely. Claire opens her mouth to answer but finds that nothing comes to mind. She screws up her face in concentration.

"I, uh, I know this. It's...Zoar!" She relaxes as relief sweeps through her but the man regards her with pity. He smiles and then looks back at the sea.

"I'm from Delaware..." he sighs and turns towards the town, looking down at her. "I'm Nick." Claire smiles in return, tells him her name and follows Nick as he walks off the beach and back into Zoar.


	4. Chapter 4

A week passes, two and after a month Amelia stops telling herself that she'll leave the next day. They're planning a meeting with Crowley, from what she gathers from Risa and Chuck, but they've hit a wall.

"We have to wait for him to come to us. And so far, nadda." Chuck fiddles with a pen, checking off the toiletries that she and Risa has gathered from the nearest town. She has grown quite fond of him after he agreed to hide the pills for her. He's very uneasy about it and confessed that if Castiel finds out he has them then he would cave. No hard feelings.

Amelia yawns and Chuck regards her with sympathy. He resides in the cabin beside hers and knows all to well the struggles of living with those children. "They've become really well behaved since you moved in you know. I didn't wake once this week to find my pants hanging in the trees."

She chuckles, nodding her head as she moves away. Gunfire breaks the silence intermediately and she looks towards the firing range. Castiel and Dean are taking shots at a target and as she comes closer Dean hits the bulls eyes. She comes to a stop and watches as Castiel fires and misses.

"Damn it!

"Are you drunk? That's the fourth time you've missed."

"No I am not drunk and yes I'm very aware of that, _thank you_." He gives Dean a scathing stare, who smiles, and then looks back at Amelia. Since the incident with the pills she and Castiel do not speak and she will avoid being in his presence whenever possible. Now he doesn't turn away but gives the gun to Dean and comes over to her. Amelia turns her back and walks into the pines. He follows her, doesn't say a word until she spins around.

"What? I don't have anything to say to you."

"I know you're still angry with me but I've done what you wished." He stops a few feet from her and she can't help taking note of his appearance. He is pale and thin, his clothes crumpled. Since he's stopped taking the pills his mood has changed noticeably. For some reason they made him more sociable, now he's almost always in a foul mood. He's depressed and she has taken the one thing that keeps him up.

"You only stopped because I took them away. Did you think about Jimmy, or me or Claire? No, only about yourself."

He begins to smile in a way that Amelia finds incredibly frustrating, like anything that causes him pain he finds amusing. But as she sneers his eyes become hard. "You're putting words in my mouth. I've told you I'll help you find Claire."

Amelia shakes her head, mouth pursing. "And what kind of help are you to me? You say you'll come with me but the longer I stay here the more I know you won't. I'm tired of waiting! I don't want to see any more of this, at what you've let yourself come to. _My husband come to_." Her retort lingers bitingly in the air and he stares at the ground.

"Ooh, bit of an ice queen, isn't she?"

Amelia gasps and looks towards the sound of the voice sharply. Crowley stands on the shore, hands behind his back with a cheery smile. Castiel growls out his name and comes to stand before Amelia, gun pointing at the demon.

"What do you want?"

"Careful there mate, I'm not alone. Come here boy." Amelia stiffens when she feels something warm brush against her leg and looks down. She sees nothing at first but looking more closely notices huge paw prints appearing in the sand.

"What is that?" She whispers, pressing herself closer to him. Castiel gropes at her and she almost bats his hand away before she realises that he's searching to see if she's carrying a gun. She pulls the gun into her hand but keeps it pointing down.

"It's a hell hound," he whispers to her and keeps as much distance between them and the demon as possible. "Are you here to trade?" Castiel directs towards Crowley who walks up and down the shore, his feet getting wet. He rolls up his trousers, takes off his shoes and socks and sighs contently.

"Nice here, isn't it? I could see myself settled here very happily...what was the question again?" He smiles as Castiel cocks the gun at him. "Only messing. Yes I am here to trade, to offer more then one thing in fact." He looks significantly at Amelia.

"More? Why would you want to give us the gun in the first place?"

"To answer your first question my little clipped pigeon, yes more then one." Amelia feels Castiel's back flexing and his finger tightens on the trigger. Crowley carries on, apparently oblivious. "I will give you the gun and, hopefully, the whereabouts to one Claire Novak."

"What?" Amelia moves towards Crowley but Castiel throws out his arm and looks at her plaintively. "Don't listen to him, he's a liar. Trust me." She stares into his sincere eyes and finally nods, stepping back.

"I am a liar, yes, for the most part. But only when it suits me and right now it doesn't. So you can take it or leave it Amelia, your choice. Now, on to your second question," Crowley wiggles his toes in the water while his dog very clearly plays in the lake, "I don't want the gun any longer, it's more hassle then it's worth."

Castiel frowns at him, still gripping Amelia to him. "There has to be more to it then that."

Crowley nods. "There is, yes. Every demon in or out of hell is looking for that thing and, unfortunately for me, they now know who has it. The only reason they're not skinning me alive now is because they can't find me."

"A spell?" Crowley nods and begins to put his socks back on. "Why don't you just give it to them? Why would you want us to have it?" Crowley straightens and stares at Castiel as if he's a moron.

"Out of everyone left on this planet you should know better then anyone what Lucifer will do to the demons left, especially the one's stupid enough to follow him. We have similar goals: you want him dead, so do I." He laces his shoes and stands up, clapping his hands together. "So, what do you say?"

"There's something you're not saying. Say we get the gun then what happens to you? They could still find you and you sure as hell aren't staying here." Castiel stares at him suspiciously.

"Don't be daft, of course I can't stay here. Sooner or later they'll come for you. No, there's only two places that's safe from Lucifer: oblivion and with a certain pocket sized Antichrist."

Castiel jerks in surprise, tilts his head. "Jesse Turner?"

"Forgot about him, didn't you?" Crowley grins and pets what Amelia takes for his dog's head. It must be five foot tall at least. She frowns at them.

"Who's that?"

"He's a boy me and the Winchesters came across a few years ago. He's the offspring between a human and demon and unimaginably powerful." Castiel explains quickly, never taking his eyes off Crowley.

"He could have Lucifer dancing a jig if he wanted. I came across him in Australia not too long ago, completely by chance. Got into a spot of bother and he saved me but before I could say thank you, poof, he was gone." In the distance shouts ring out and Amelia turns to see figures running through the forest. The dog at Crowley's feet growls.

"They know you're here."

"Yes, I've gathered that. Since I don't fancy getting shot at I'll be off. You can find me at the nearest crossroads."

"Wait!" Amelia throws up her hand, stalling him and he waits. "What do you know about Claire?"

"Amelia, don't listen to him." Castiel grabs her arm, forcing her to look at him but she can't.

"Yeah, that's right, listen to him instead. I know you're already figuring out what a shallow creature he's become but I'm sure he hasn't told you the whole truth, has he?" Castiel points the gun at him again. Low growls of the hell hound issue forth like thunder. "He's told you that he can't give your husband back but really it's because he doesn't want to."

"Shut up."

Crowley smiles, looking past them toward the forest before catching Amelia's eye again. "All the angels have gone, he's got nothing left but the body that was loaned to him. If he gives it up, he's gone, whizzed off to be judged maybe but either way he's...nothing. So even if he could give you your husband back, he wouldn't. Not much difference between you and me now, is there cherub?"

A shot fires towards the demon's head but he disappears before it can hit him. Amelia turns to see Castiel lowering his smoking gun, shaking a little.

"Why did you do that? He was going to tell me about Claire!" She pushes him as the others finally emerge from the trees, panting and armed. Castiel gazes at her with dead eyes.

"No he wasn't," he grits out and brushes past her, ignoring Dean who comes up to him, firing questions. But he walks away, disappearing into the forest. Amelia tells Dean what has transpired and once he's fully informed she heads back to her cabin. She peers into her room but the kids are gone. Sighing she looks up towards Castiel's cabin and stills. He's kissing a woman and pulling her through the door, a bottle of alcohol in her hand. The beads swing crazily until they settle into a gentle sway.

Amelia twists the gold ring on her finger round and round until the skin underneath is raw.


	5. Chapter 5

"I'm sorry, I tried to stop him but well...he can be kinda intimidating." Chuck winces apologetically at Amelia who closes the door on her newly acquired car. Castiel is taking amphetamines again, as well as drinking double the amount he used to.

"It's ok, I should never have loaded my problems onto you anyway."

Chuck smiles sagely, frowning. "It was never your problem to begin with...you know he knew I had them? I think only something really bad, awful, would make him start again."

"He got called a pigeon." Amelia slams the trunk down and Chuck winces. Amelia searches over his features quickly and slumps. "You think I'm being too harsh don't you?"

"Meh," he holds his thumb and index finger an inch apart. Seeing her conflicting gaze turning towards Castiel's cabin he shrugs. "But hey, what do I know? I'm no authority..."

"Hey! In here!" They turn to see Dean gesturing. Chuck nods curtly at her before dashing off. Amelia stays by the car, watching as they all cram into the shack. Everyone inside the door closes until a minute later when Castiel appears. She watches him weave a little as he makes his way to the armoury and disappear inside. He either hasn't seen her or is ignoring her. Either way she doesn't care, just as long as he stays out of her way.

But as he reappears holding a rifle in each hand he stops, looking at her. His gaze flicks to the car and then back at her face and he begins to walk towards her.

"Cas! Did you get lost? Hurry the hell up!" Bobby yells suddenly, flinging the door open. Castiel hesitates before quickly heading back into the shack and the door slams shut. They were formulating a plan, one that Amelia was not a part of. It was strictly need to know but it's obvious what they are planning.

She stares around her carefully and finding herself alone she quietly moves towards the rusting Impala. Looking behind her she ducks under the loose fence. When they confront Crowley for the gun they'll kill him, she's sure of that, even if they get the Colt or not. So she has to talk to him before it's too late.

Walking through she trees she comes to the main road. Before she left she checked for the nearest crossroads and it was a mile from the camp. After a few minutes it comes into sight and she stops. Looking behind her cautiously, hand shielding her from the sun she sees fires burning. The city is in flames.

"That's a familiar sight." Turning around she gasps. Crowley stands in front of her, bringing a gun out of his pocket. The Colt. "Catch!"

Fumbling she catches the gun, almost dropping it. She clutches it to her chest, her mouth opening in shock. Licking her lips she tries to speak but her mouth is dry. "I - I thought you only appear at a crossroads?"

"I do but it's only a minute away. Thought I'd come to you." He shrugs in his long coat and begin to walk slowly around her. Amelia follows his every move, her heart beating loudly. She looks down at the gun in her hands. "No bullets, you're out of luck." Amelia drops the Colt and pulls the gun she carries from her belt. Crowley grins.

"Where is my daughter?" She doesn't expect him to answer, knows that if he does it will likely be lies but all the same she came here, for good or bad.

He surprises her. "I know she's been taken, among many others like herself, to an island. Zoar. From what I've been told it's off the coast of Maine. Got a nice coven of witches to search for me. Unfortunately there only appears to be ocean and a couple of seagulls there."

_Maine._ Amelia savours the word, the first real lead that she's ever had. "Zoar?" She frowns, the name was familiar but she can't place it. "What do you mean, others like her?"

He smiles and then looks behind her sharply. "Oh, he's coming. I'll make this quick. Vessels, angelic vessels. You see I used to keep tabs on them, make a note of when they were occupied or vacant. But you know that, don't you?" Amelia stares into his face and slowly shakes her head. But she does, she has faint memories of him, memories that do not belong to her.

Crowley carries on, relenting. "Suddenly they were reports of vessels being abandoned, one after the other. Oh it was seen as a great victory but I knew, I knew it was the beginning of the end." He shakes his head sadly and Amelia shifts on her feet, looking behind her. They're still alone and no Castiel in sight.

"You knew your time was up." She whispers and shocks herself. He looks at her, nodding his head and smiles softly.

"It came to my attention that the cambion, Jesse, was taking the vacated vessels before we could get to them. It was like they just vanished off the face of the planet. He doesn't want us to find them so we can't and not even Lucifer himself can change that."

"I remember a boy with her...how do I find him?" He will lead her to Claire, he has to.

"That's where we come to an impasse I'm afraid. You don't find him, he finds you."

Her name is shouted faintly behind her and she turns. Castiel, coming closer. She picks up the Colt and turns back, regarding Crowley cautiously. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you know what it's like to be me." A demon. Her possession was something that she pushes away, never letting her mind linger on it for more then a few seconds. But in nightmares it comes flooding back, not just her own fear and disgust at the delight it took in misery but also the suffering and torment it endured every second. As it had peered into her she had peered back and nothing was hidden from her. She remembers how desperate the demon wanted out of hell and how relieved it was when it overtook her because just for a moment the pain stopped. It was the only time they felt human again.

But this was not something she would ever voice aloud, not even with him. "Then I know you do want something in return from me."

He chuckles and looks at his shoes for a moment. "Don't worry yourself about that right now. All in good time. Hopefully this will turn out for the best, for both of us."

"You're hoping he'll take you in, aren't you?"

He shrugs, tuning his back and walks away. "Well he is half demon, that's got to count for something. I'll see you later my dear."

"Amelia!" She turns as Castiel comes running out from the trees, a wild look in his eyes. He almost knocks her over when he gets to her, roughly taking hold of her arms. Turning her head she finds Crowley gone. "Are you insane? You were going to meet him?"

"I just did. Here, take it." She offers him the gun but he doesn't glance at it. Instead he cups her face and closes his eyes. He relaxes immediately, eyes opening and lowers his hands.

"You're ok...but this was still a stupid idea." He takes the gun from her and inspects it swiftly before pocketing it. "Lets go, its not safe being out in the open with this thing." He takes her hand and pulls her into the wood. "What did he say?"

"He told me where Claire is." Castiel stops, turning to frown at her. "He said it's a place called Zoar." His frown grows deeper.

"Zoar? It doesn't exist any more. It was city that Lot fled to after Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed. A safe haven. What else did Crowley tell you?" She retells what happened as they begin walking again. After she finishes they fall silent and Amelia wishes she was alone. The air between them grows thicker by the second until she finally stops. He looks back, rising his eyebrows.

"I'm leaving as soon as we reach the camp so I'm just going to ask this now. What happens if you die? What happens to Jimmy?"

He leans against a tree, hands in his pockets. "If I die so does he but..." He trails off, looking away from her. Amelia moves closer to him.

"But what?"

"It doesn't matter either way. I know you don't want to accept this when you look at me but Jimmy's already gone." He whispers it with pity, gentle.

"You said that he was there, like he's sleeping." She moves right up to him, the anger that she tries to keep contained writhing inside her. Castiel stares intensely, the tenderness hardening.

"I don't sense him like before, he's just not there any more. You have to let him go Amelia." Her nostrils flare, her eyes flash but he stands his ground.

"Crowley was right, wasn't he? This is all you have left but it's not yours! You have no right to do the things you do, the drinking and drugs and sex. You've completely betrayed his trust."

"I think most of your anger is stemmed from a place you don't want to look at. You feel betrayed, _you,_ not Jimmy because he's not conscious of any of this. You look at that wedding ring and feel that I'm being unfaithful to you but I'm not your husband. You've got to let him go! I am all that's left of him and ever will be, don't you get it? It's just me." He can barely conceal his self disgust.

Amelia bares her teeth, face red."But you mean nothing to me! He didn't want this, not the second time but you - you _blackmailed_ him. You made him choose between dying or his daughter but that was no choice at all. You could have healed him, you could have found another vessel! And you're telling _me_ to let him go? How dare you!" Amelia shouts and the utter rage and pain that she tries to keep hidden laces through her voice like venom.

Castiel suddenly grabs her and she inhales with fright. His fingers tighten around her arms before he lets her go and turns. He sits on the ground, head hanging and when he speaks his voice is guttural. "You're right, I should have never done it but I never thought this would happen. I was always going to give him back, whether it lasted for ten years or ten thousand...You think I want to be here? You think I want to be like this? I had an existence that you can barely comprehend and now I'm reduced to this. And it's all my fault...I wake up every morning disappointed that I'm still breathing and the only reason I am is _because_ of Jimmy. But the longer I carry on doing this the more I sink lower and I can't stop. I'm truly sorry, I never wanted to do this to him or you, I _never_ wanted to hurt you. I don't know what to do, I don't have any purpose any more..."

Amelia stands behind him as he speaks, rooted to the ground. He is in despair and she has been turning a blind eye to it, too caught up in how he is selfishly using Jimmy, cowardly ignoring her. It was never the angel she wanted to feel pity for, telling herself he doesn't deserve it. Even as pity swells through her she wants to repel it, as if she's committing an act of treachery.

She wipes at her cheeks, moves gently to sit beside him and, not looking at his face, takes his hand in hers. He looks at their interlocking fingers for a long time before lifting his head up and turns to her. She smiles softly at him and it trembles. _I'm sorry_. She mouths it, not able to find her voice and he leans in against her. Her other hand lifts to brush his hair a little neater, her head tilting to the side before her fingers tenderly brush at his cheek. She draws him into her arms and he comes willingly, sighing.

"I'm sorry that you're going through this, I didn't understand, didn't want to but I can't just forget or pretend that he's dead. How can I when I see you everyday wearing his face?" She cups his face and suddenly smiles with nostalgia. "He used to tease me so much when we were kids, I hated him at first. He moved to another town and then came to work for my father."

Castiel smiles, recalling memories clearly not his. "Then you were the one teasing him. He loves you, he always has. I know you had your doubts," Amelia lowers her eyes and he grips her tighter, "but you and Claire are the _most_ important things in his life. He wanted to tell you that for so long...you were his last thought." Tears roll down her cheeks and he touches them with curious fingers and then pulls her back into his arms. Very softly she presses her lips to his cheek and then again to the corner of his mouth and he moves. Her mouth kisses his, lips that have touched thousands of times, and she draws back, eyes filling with confusion. But before either of them can speak gunfire blasts through the silent, dripping forest.

"Demons!" Risa shouts as Amelia and Castiel jump to their feet, both drawing guns. Chuck and Risa skid to a stop, panting. Both of them are bloody and Chuck grits his teeth with pain. "Demons have attacked the camp! Where the hell have you been?"

Neither answer, eyes flicking down to the Colt in Castiel's hand. Chuck stares with shock and points. "Hey, is that what I think it is?"

"Yes and if there are demons trying to get into the camp then they must know that we have it. Come on." They begin to run, hard and fast until they hit the winding road that leads to the entrance gate. Huge bangs echo through the air and the ground shakes under their feet. Hiding behind a tree Amelia can just make out dark figures prowling at the gate and others around the perimeter.

"They can't get in but they're trying." Risa pants, crouching down beside Chuck. "We were ready to move when suddenly these bastards appeared."

"What are we going to do?" Amelia whispers and Castiel drops to his knees beside her. She looks over and sees that he's got his eyes closed and is chanting under his breath. She frowns and leans closer but whatever he's saying was not a language she understands. "What's he doing?" She asks Chuck who shrugs as Castiel stops, opens his eyes and look up at the overcast sky.

"It's Enochian..." As he says this shrieks begin to rent the air and Amelia looks over to see the demons writhing and covering their heads.

Chuck's mouth falls open. "Dude, did you just bless the rain?"

"Yes, it's holy water now. It's about as much as I can do now but it'll suffice. There's another way in, let's go." Keeping bent low they hurry towards the hole in the fence, careful to keep clear of any demon. As she passes one at her feet it groans, mutters something about umbrellas and disappears. Safely in the camp they sprint towards the shack and find the van already waiting, the engine rumbling. The door slides open and Bobby sits inside. Eyes as sharp as a hawk spots the gun in Castiel's hold and he curses.

"Well now this just makes a damn bit more sense. What the hell did you do? Shout for every demon to hear that you have it? Hand it over!"

"Why?"

"They're probably leading a nice gang of croats up here to distract us so they can take it. But they won't get it because it won't be here. Now hand it over." Reluctantly Castiel stares at her and instead of handing it over he jumps into the van. Amelia comes forward, extremely uneasy as Risa joins him.

"What are you doing?"

"Going with them. They need me. There are civilians here, children. Bobby is right, here's to obvious, it's not safe."

"Come on!" Dean roars and Castiel climbs into the passenger seat. Amelia shakes her head and looks at him in worry.

"You could get hurt."

Castiel lifts his brows in surprise, grins and turns to Dean. "I think she's actually concerned about me." Before she can reply the van jerks forward and speeds away, the last of the demons disappearing. Amelia stands in the rain with Chuck, watching as the gates slam shut and the locks get put in place again.


	6. Chapter 6

The house is pristine and empty, waiting to be filled up with the life that they bring. She walks down the stairs, the palm of her hand sliding against the polished railing. Sunlight shines through the front door. Claire and her cousins must have left it open when they ran out. Amelia begins to close the door but stops when a pale car glides smoothly along the street and parks before the front gate. The driver is obscured from her and Amelia is glad. She doesn't want to know who is driving, doesn't want to see who might step out. Something terrible sits there and she knows it will remain, patient and waiting.

"Ams?" Amelia turns and screams. Her husband stands before her, holding their lifeless six year old in his arms. Water drips from their clothes, puddling on the floor and his feet splashes forward sluggishly. Jimmy smiles and looks over her shoulder. "Our ride is here." Someone stands behind her, a huge looming force and Amelia stands petrified, staring at her dead husband and child.

"No!" Amelia bolts upright in her bed, gasping for breath. Her heart beats painfully hard and fast and she focuses on relaxing. The room is dark and the kids are asleep. Thankful that she hasn't woken them Amelia gets to her feet, the nightmare too fresh to attempt sleep yet. After slipping her feet into some sandals she quietly leaves the cabin. The breeze is chilly at this time of night but she welcomes it, summer is drawing to a close but not without a last ditch attempt to make them swelter.

Her eyes, as they so often seem to do, focus on the cabin across the camp. It's dark and empty, just as it's been for the past three days. Castiel and the others have not returned and their fates remain a mystery. Her eyes shift to her car and she stands with conflicting thoughts. She now knows where Claire could be, she should go and not waste another second. But still her eyes linger on that cabin, waiting for a sign of occupation.

Dragging a hand through her hair Amelia prepares to go back to sleep when she freezes, her eyes drawn to something she's been over looking. A van, almost obscured by trees. The van that they had left in. Amelia runs along the path and comes to a stop when she reaches Dean's cabin. Voices talk softly beyond as she knocks but no one answers. Turning the handle she opens the door a crack to find Dean and Risa together. Dean is sitting down, his head in his hands and Risa sits beside him, speaking in a cooing tone. She looks up when Amelia appears and her expression turns her stomach. She waits for either of them to speak, unable to do so herself until Risa nods her head towards the door behind them.

It's the infirmary and as Amelia walks towards it the sense of doom that the dream has created intensifies. The scene beyond is one of ordered chaos. People dash from one person to the next, stemming the flow of blood here and injecting another there to ease the pain. Almost immediately her eyes pin on him and she feels her breath stop in her throat, chocking her. He is a sickly shade of white and as she watches his eyes roll behind his half closed lids. Blood and sweat trickle over his face, staining the white sheet below him.

"Amelia!"

"Chuck! What's happened?" The bearded man comes up to her and hastily takes her arm and moves her over to Castiel. Half of her recoils at being brought over, not knowing what she will find.

"They were ambushed. They took the gun to Bobby's but they were already there waiting for them...not - not all of them made it back." His voices shakes as he speaks and Amelia looks into his eyes. He's been crying and is trying to stop himself from continuing. She takes his hand and quickly sweeps over the people being treated and then does so again, frowning.

Bobby isn't there.

"Oh no...I'm so sorry." She squeezes his hand and he stares down at his feet, shaking his head.

"You know at one time I would've seen it coming but now..." He smiles at her from his bowed position and slips his hand out of hers as the doctor comes over to them.

"I've given him something for the pain but the make shift splint will have to do until I get supplies to make a cast for his leg."

"It's broken?"

He winces in sympathy. "Yeah...he's gonna love that." He smiles briefly and then disappears, moving off to another bedside and Chuck drifts away with a nod. Amelia looks down at Castiel who sleeps. She exhales a long breath and takes a seat, reaching over for a bloody cloth and bowl of water. Someone must have started to clean him up. She gently wipes the blood away, revealing more of his pale skin and begins to ramble to him.

"Jimmy broke his leg once. It was the first time we went skiing, our first day on the slops. He just fell funny but he would tell people that he hit a tree and survived, that God had spared him...After that the skis just stayed in the pantry cupboard...Claire would pretend to ski along the floorboards, she really wanted to go...I knew something bad would happen..." The words spill out of her as he sleeps and she lowers her head down against the mattress, too tired to walk back to her bed.

* * *

They bury Bobby and the others who lost their lives on a rainy morning and Amelia stands beside a crutch leaning Castiel, Dean on his other side. Everyone gives him space, unasked for but one look into his eyes is all the incentive needed. Amelia wonders about his brother as she helps Castiel back up the stairs to his cabin, coming to the conclusion early on that he must be dead but there is no grave marker for him and no one mentions him. Or wants to.

* * *

"Six weeks? Are you serious? Castiel sits up in his bed, pillows propping up his back and one supports his broken leg, which is now covered in a cast. He stares with increasing anger at the cumbersome thing and then turns his gaze to the doctor who shrugs and walks out. Amelia settles some breakfast down beside him with a smile of sympathy as he looks at her imploringly. "I can't be like this for two months...this sucks."

As he grumbles about the frailty of humans Amelia stares out of the window. Her car is parked outside his cabin, pointing towards the front gates, waiting for her to get in and drive away from this place. As bad as she felt for him this is a sign.

"I'm leaving."

"I know." There is little disappointment in his quiet voice but when she turns Amelia imagines she sees it anyway. He smiles gently and she sits by his bedside. "I knew you weren't going to stay and it would be selfish of me to keep you here, especially now." He taps at his leg and she runs a finger along the white plaster. He takes her hand and she looks into his eyes. It's painful to look at him most of the time but now it's torturous. "How are you going to find her?"

"Well I know the area now. Maybe I won't find it but I've got to try." The truth is Amelia feels strangely assured that she will find something there, as if she's returning to a long forgotten place. Those dreams were not normal...

He shakes his head, scanning her with his eyes. "It doesn't feel right, I don't think it's safe for you to go alone."

Amelia shrugs, gaze hard. "Well I am..." She lingers on him thoughtfully, gaze softening. "I don't know if I'll ever see you again, it doesn't feel like I will. Even when I had Jimmy declared dead I always hoped, I never took this off," she looks down at her wedding ring and up at him with half smile, "doesn't have much meaning now without the other one." She draws her hand out of his and this time the pain in his eyes is clear. He stares at his ringless finger.

"He left with it on and I wore it for awhile but...I felt odd. I'd look at it and be flooded with images of you and Claire and I just didn't know how to deal with it. I haven't lost it," he clarifies, leaning forward as she begins to look crestfallen, "I put it somewhere for safekeeping."

"Where?"

"I might have the angelic depth of paddling pool but there are a few things I can still manage." He rolls his fingers into the centre of his palm and then slowly uncurls his fingers again to reveal a gold band sitting in the palm of his hand. He tilts his head in consideration. "Do you want it back?"

She keeps silent and still, weighing her thoughts. If she takes it back it will be as if she's breaking that bond between them, accepting that her husband will likely never return. If he keeps it then it will always be a reminder of another life not his, of a woman and child waiting. Amelia wonders why he never destroyed it, letting Jimmy's ties go if he believes that the man he's possessing is all but dead.

"Would you want to keep it? You made it clear that you're not my husband and I'm not delusional but...I'm his wife and keeping the ring is a reminder of that...truth is -" she stops, guilt flooding through her and he tilts his head. He prompts her to continue but she shakes her head, looking down at the bed spread until she speaks in a small voice. "I want you to keep it. Jimmy's gone, Claire and I feel you're all that's left. It's weird, selfish."

"No it's not. I miss my family to, they're gone and I'll probably never see them again. I understand." He draws her closer and she comes willingly, surprising herself. "I won't hide from you any more. In fact," he guffaws, pressing deeper into the pillows, "I don't think I'm going anywhere for a long, long time."

"Good, at least I know I can find you now." She smiles and he reaches up to touch her hair, curling it behind her ear. His eyes linger a little too long on her lips and she feels herself growing flushed. Dread spikes through her as he begins to speak.

"In the forest, before the demons attacked you ki-"

"No." She responds firmly, lifting a finger, and he raises his brows.

"No? I know you don't like the thought of other women but I can tell you with great confidence that you're the only woman Jimmy would actually want me to -"

"Uh-uh. There's this thing that humans do when something embarrassing happens: they pretend it never did. This isn't discussed between them, they just do it. Understand?"

"If you say so..." Amelia gets up and his hand falls away. Turning her back she exhales a pent up breath. She has been trying not to think about the kiss and the confusion that it brings. Being around Castiel is bizarre at the best of times but mix in her own untapped desires for a man that she cannot have just elevates it to another level. It feels natural to want to kiss and hold him, that is what she has been doing for most of her adult life. She misses his touch.

Amelia moves over to him and, before she can change her mind, quickly lowers her lips to his forehead, threading her fingers through his hair. He grips her waist in his hands, fingertips digging into her back with a gentle strength. "I'll be back with Claire, I don't know how long...but I promise." She pulls back and he lets go reluctantly, trying to catch her eye but she turns away and quickly swoops down for her bag and walks out without looking back.

* * *

When she was six she fell into the Vermilion river and almost drowned. She would have died if someone hadn't pulled her out. For the longest time she had been convinced that it had been her father that saved her for she remembers clearly the sound of his voice whispering in ear, trying to calm her. Her sight had been blurred with tears and salt-water but it was unmistakably him. Carried in his arms she had been left in the kitchen for her mother to find but from that point on her recollection is hazy.

Her dad told her gently that she was wrong, it wasn't him but someone else and so Claire gradually grew to agree, she had been mistaken. Nine years later and hundreds of miles away from home Claire stares at the foamy water rhythmically running over her feet and feels her six year old self vindicated, to a degree.

"If I swim out and accidentally get caught in a current will you save me?" She whispers it to the air and nothing replies to her but the sound of the surf. Every day her past life comes back stronger and clearer, her devout father and stoic mother, their house on a snowy street. The angel.

Jessie tries his utmost to make her forget, to reconcile her with his tricks and treats but she just thinks of the sea and the mist and her pity for him grows less by the day. Pebbles click behind her and she turns expecting to find the boy or Nick but it's Thomas. He comes to stand beside her and she notes that his usual jovial air is subdued.

"You want to go home, don't you?"

"Yes...do you remember?"

He tilts his head from side to side in a so-so gesture. "Bits and pieces, mostly in dreams. I understand why Jessie did it, I remember what it's like over there now."

"What is it like?" Claire has only the faintest memories of it, the fear of being sick and long winding roads. Her mother.

"There's a plague and most people have succumbed. We've been spared..." He trails off, looking troubled and puts his hands in his pockets.

"I know it's dangerous but I can't stay here. None of us asked for this, he just took us. Don't you want to see your family again?"

Thomas smiles sadly and stares at the pebbles. "My family have been dead, oh, two hundred years now. I was born a long, long time ago Claire so I don't have a family to go back to. Not in this world anyway..." Claire gawps at him and he laughs at her expression.

"You were a vessel for that long?"

He nods. "Some vessels were claimed far longer then me, thousands of years can pass. Angels are not bound by time and space, they can bend it, plop you back not a second after you were taken...not much chance of that now." He pulls an envelop out of his pocket and Claire remembers it from when she first arrived. She tilts her head at the note again.

"Do you know who Zee is now?"

"Yes, Zachariah. He's the angel that possessed me...do you think I should open it?" He rubs his thumb along the paper sleeve and Claire's stomach drops and rebounds.

"I dunno, what - what will happen of you do?"

"The angels will come back." He stares into her eyes and for the first time she sees something other then an amiable roly-poly old man. He has shared an existence with an angel and her brief vessel-hood is just a toe-dip in the ocean compared to him. Thomas places the envelop back in his pocket and watches the ocean calmly.


	7. Chapter 7

Her journey to Maine is a long and arduous one. City after city proclaim that they're under quarantine and not to be entered so Amelia has to turn back and try another approach. She passes through numerous ghost towns, all ranging in size and sees only a few brave people dashing down the streets. What should take her three days takes her two weeks before she finally reaches her destination.

The coastal town is just as silent and empty as she expects and she passes no one that day. Finding a clean and abandoned hotel to stay in she hunkers down for the night, the sound of the sea faint but persistent in the distance.

_Lightening flickers, a dazzling brightness, which is followed by a massive rumble of thunder, the kind that makes dogs bark insanely and car alarms blare. Rain lashes down on his face, pale and mask-like with rage. Her hair plasters down against her head as she watches with terror as the raging sea pounds against the shore and she flings herself at the boy, screaming in the wind._

_"Stop it!" Light flashes into her eyes and she flinches, throwing an arm up at the sudden illumination._

"Rise and shine."

Amelia opens her eyes and then immediately shuts them as someone pushes the curtains open to let in the morning sun. Hand over her squinting eyes she sits up, fully alert. Crowley stands at the end of the bed, beaming at her.

"What are you doing here?"

"Sightseeing. Come to help you of course." He rolls his eyes, tutting.

"Help me?" Amelia utters in disbelief, getting out of bed. She looks around for her gun but remembers that she left it in the car. Standing straight with her back to the door she frowns at him. "I don't want your help."

Crowley pouts. "You wanted it before. Look I'll show you the beach and from there you're on your own." Ignoring him she gathers up her things and walks out of the room and down the stairs. When she gets to the lounge he's there waiting for her. Trying to keep calm she stares steadily into his eyes.

"You want something from me, I know the deal. What is it? My soul, body? What?"

He smiles and opens the door for her but she doesn't move. Still smiling he leans back against the wall. "I don't want your soul, they're no use to me now. As lovely as it is I tend not to go for a woman unless I'm in a pinch. No, what I want is for you to deliver something for me."

"What?" Annoyingly enigmatic he stays quiet and jerks his head towards the door and walks out, Amelia at his heel. Reaching his car he looks around him furtively before reaching in and opening the glove compartment. She hears him muttering something under his breath and Amelia blinks rapidly as something like a heat mirage obscures her sight.

"You can't open it so don't try. Here." Focusing her gaze she looks down to see that he's offering her something. A box, about the size of her hand and covered in plush purple fabric. A golden clasp keeps the case closed.

"A jewellery box? You want me to give a necklace or whatever it is to someone? Why don't you do it yourself?"

He gives her a withering stare before sighing and she holds her breath. "If I could do it myself I wouldn't be talking to you, would I? I can't cross over, I've tried but I think you'll be able to." He pushes the case at her but Amelia doesn't move, staring at him warily. Crowley sighs. "Fine but you'll change your mind when we get there. My patience only stretches so far Amelia. Follow in your car." Throwing the case onto the back seat he gets behind the driving wheel and starts the engine. With a permanent frown Amelia gets into her own car and with a sense of deep foreboding follows him as he drives out of the town and along the coastal roads, the sea at her shoulder.

* * *

A small white rowing boat sits on the beach, weather worn but sturdy and a set of oars rest inside. She scans the sea and spots mist hanging over the water not too far out.

"The island is through there?"

"All signs point to yes...that's where your daughter is." He stares at her for all the world a normal man but she knows what kind of creature he is. His sympathy and helpful act was a means to an end, one she doesn't have a full grasp on.

"What makes you think I'll have a chance crossing over if you couldn't?"

"It was more a case of wouldn't then couldn't..."

Amelia turns sharply at the sound of the voice and jerks in surprise. A man sits in the boat which had been previously empty. He watches her calmly, huddled like a carrion bird in his black suit. His face is long and pale and his eyes...Amelia gazes deeper and deeper, lost in them and her body shudders with a sudden attack of horripilation.

"Ah, well, I'll be off." The sound of Crowley's cowed voice snaps Amelia out of her bedazzlement and she turns to the demon who is backing away.

"Wait! Where are you going?"

"I told you that I'd bring you here, which I have. Don't forget what I've asked you to do."

Amelia starts after him, throwing her arms out. "But who do I give-" But he disappears after giving the man in the boat one cautious look. Amelia shakes her head and then blinks, noting something heavy in her coat pocket that wasn't there before. It's the case.

"Demons. Never a good idea to trust them." His voice, a soft cultural hush makes her hair stand to attention. She turns but comes no closer.

"I don't trust him...you - you're not a demon?"

"God Lord no." He sneers softly and she understands clearly why Crowley has left her. He's not a demon but he's not a man either. She licks her lips, mouth dry.

"Do you take people over?"

"Yes," he flourishes a bony hand at the boat, "this get up is someone's idea of a joke I might add." He lays his hands on the oars and begins to slot them into the rings. "I can't cross over unless I have a passenger." He says this like it's a great nuisance to him. He looks over the water, eyes narrowing. "I have business over there..."

"Why didn't Crowley cross over with you?"

"The cost was too high for him...ironic really..." The irony is lost on her but she isn't going to pry this man to know more. Licking her lips again she pulls the jewellery case out of her coat and offers it to him. He stares for a moment and then reaches for it. He opens the case, peeks inside and immediately closes it again. He flicks his impassive gaze up to her. "I see..."

"I don't." Her voice shakes and for some reason she can't fathom she feels like crying. The man stares at her with pity, as if she is a child. He hands the case back to her and she takes it with stiff fingers.

"The contents of this case isn't for me, it's for someone over there. Will you cross over?" Amelia hesitates, all her instincts telling her urgently to run. The dream about her dead husband and child flash into her mind, the pale car waiting outside to take them away. Amelia takes a step back, shaking her head.

He leans closer, his eyes pressing down on her. "You must understand that what you carry is of grave importance and this is about more then you or your daughter. That demon may have done it to save his own skin but the continued existence of this world free from _him_ all lies within that case. From what I have observed humans can be amazingly selfish...or wonderfully altruistic. What will you chose?"

_Free from him?_ The question is pushed away by her own uncertainty, her fear. "If I get in will I reach the other side alive?" Her voice is reedy thin and he sits back, unimpressed.

"Eventually...Do stop worrying, it's in my interest that you act as deliverer and time is being wasted. Our... final business will not be conducted today. Do you understand?" His tone is soft but detached, a little annoyed that he has to explain himself to her.

Amelia looks back at her car, at the road that will lead her back to Castiel and the life that she can build there, maybe even with him. But it's all uncertain and it's a choice that when balanced against seeing her daughter again...it does not come close.

"I'll come with you." Amelia gets into the boat and Death nods. He begins rowing and they head out into the mist.

* * *

"We want to go home!"

They gather on the beach, some shouting, others whispering and Jesse sits in the sand, his back to them. He has tried to explain but most of them will not listen.

"Do you hear that? Come on Jesse." Nick sits beside him, Claire and Thomas standing at his back. Nick speaks in a soft tone but the boy shakes his head, tears in his eyes.

"I never wanted to hurt anyone, that's why I came here in the first place. My mom and dad - they died, I left them but they still died. I - I did this to save you all, keep you safe and hidden from the angels _and_ demons. Most of you would be dead if it wasn't for me." His eyes accuse them, especially Nick who lowers his head.

"I understand that you had good intentions and I'm sorry that you've had to go through this but it's not _right_ Jesse. You can't stop death. You've taken these people away from their families and -"

Jesse, who has been stubbornly staring at the sand, begins to blink rapidly and he looks up, staring at the sea. Claire tilts her head and looks in that direction.

"What is it?"

"It's, it's..." Jesse gets to his feet, frowning heavily, "no!" He runs to the shore, Claire following. As she watches the waves begin to increase in size and the sky darkens. She looks up at the storm clouds and squints at the sudden wind.

"What's happening?"

"Someone is coming!" He shouts, staring fiercely at the mist that slowly begins to move inshore. Claire spins around and sees that the crowd is heading back to the town, throwing fearful looks over their shoulder at the oncoming storm. Amongst the crowd she sees Thomas. He stops by a tree and placing his back against the wind takes the white envelope out which flutters in his hand. Sand kicking up under her feet she runs to him as he pulls out the letter and reads it.

"Thomas! Are you sure you should do that?" Claire shouts over the wind and covers her head with her arms as it suddenly begins to crash down with rain. Thomas folds the letter and nods. He turns to Nick who has followed behind her.

"Do you have a knife?" Nick pulls out a pen knife which Thomas takes quickly. Shoving the letter into his pocket he pulls up a sleeve and with a steady hand makes a shallow cut along his arm.

"Thomas!" Aghast she watches as he falls to his knees and begins to make shapes in the sand using a bloody finger. Nick narrows his eyes and then begins to widen them.

"I know that. I don't think that's a good idea." But Thomas ignores him. Chanting out words she doesn't understand he closes his eyes and, with a huge inhale of air, slams the heel of his hand into the centre of the sand and blood circle he has drawn. A blinding flash of light blazes around them and Claire throws an arm over her eyes and then lowers it tentatively, blinking away spots from her eyes and looks down. Thomas is gone. Feeling something dreadful drop into the pit of her stomach she bends down to stare at the charm in the sand.

"What the heck was that?" Claire turns to see three strange figures standing on the beach, the third standing further back from the others. The man who spoke stands in a garish Hawaiian shirt and shorts, holding a cocktail with a little umbrella. Claire gazes at the other man and immediately all the air in her lungs disappears.

"Dad?" Turning around with difficulty because of the cast on his leg her father comes to face her. His mouth opens but he says nothing, just stares at her with shocked eyes. But that surprise quickly turns to sorrow and Claire feels her heart crumble.

"Dad? Well someone's been a naughty boy! You know what daddy said about getting it on with earth girls..." The man in the colourful shirt smirks almost affectionately at Castiel who turns to look at him, his surprise shifting to annoyance.

"Shut the hell up Gabriel." He looks back at Claire who stands in front of Nick. She can feel the man's heart beating like a jack-hammer against her back. Castiel hastily makes his way towards her, not looking back until he gets to her side. Dropping a crutch to the ground he takes her hand in his tightly. Claire looks up at him, staring into his eyes. He looks awful. She throws her arms around his neck and he holds her, whispering urgently.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I told you I wasn't your father."

Claire frowns with a smile. "But you're not."

"I know but I shouldn't have said it. I should never have let you believe that your father was dead. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm trying to be - well I'm trying." She lets go of him, unsmiling this time. He had hurt her and her mother but she also knows how fundamentally different he was, no matter how hard he tried to understand humans there was a huge gulf between them. But maybe he's built a bridge over that gulf now, there was nothing detached about the man staring at her. Though looking at him it looks like he's fallen in...Claire nods in acceptance and he returns it weakly before straightening, her hand in his.

Gabriel - _the Gabriel? _- makes a ho-ho noise and stares around, unimpressed with the terrible weather and turns to the tall man behind him who Claire hasn't been paying attention to. His eyes widen with horror and the cocktail glass falls to the sand.

"Oh shit."

"Hello brother." The tall man in the white suit offers politely, smiling kindly and begins to walk towards them.


	8. Chapter 8

Hello, long time no see. I know this has taken forever to complete and I'm sorry for that. I didn't want to leave this story unfinished but the ending was troubling. In the end I just stuck with how it was always going to end, for good or ill. So here it is.

* * *

_A moment with Death._

She doesn't ask any questions but she will, it's inevitable. Instead she sits, her hands clasped tight around the edge of her seat. I can see the bones through the skin of her knuckles and small drops of mist cling to her hair. The boat rocks and dips, the waves growing higher.

She's scared but holding it together. There is nothing worse then a hysterical human, especially one on a boat.

"We should be there soon..." Her eyes flick to me and then away, looking for land through the mist.

"Why do you want to go over there?" It's a rush of words, they bustle and elbow themselves out of her mouth. She sounds breathless.

_How to explain...where to start?_

"I'm going over there because that's where the devil happens to be." As expected she frowns and bolt of dread ignites in her stomach. She's in a boat with _me_ but that name gives her more of a fright.

"The Devil?"

"Yes. I am bound to him, you see. Whereever he goes I follow and it has been that way for far too long. So here I am."

"But you needed me otherwise you couldn't cross over?" She's sharp.

"A vessel, yes. It was one of the things that could have tripped me up. Someone to cross over with _willingly_. The demon is a coward, preferring to wait until the coast is clear. But you? You have something to go over for. Things are going according to plan."

She sits silently, mulling it over, sticking it all together. "You want this to happen?"

"My dear, I _made_ it happen." I savour her shock before continuing. "They're all gathered there, in that place and best of all Lucifer is powerless. The boy will help me break this spell and all will fall into place, as it should. You have no idea the way Order has been disrupted, people who should be dead are not and the ripples of that have been catastrophic. He will learn that you can't cheat me."

"You're going to kill them?"

She looks frightened now, which wasn't my intent. What words would comfort? I avoid this whenever possible, it's one of the reason I use Reapers. They handle the messy business after I've finished, explaining and emoting and so on. I'm far too busy anyway, even if I wanted to. Still she rides a boat with Death and I've always looked fondly amongst the brave, even the foolish ones.

"Don't take this to heart, most of those people should have died because it was their time and that is right. But that is jut one form of Death. There is the end of hope and ideals and dreams. The Death of suffering and war. Death of stars and worlds...this matter falls into the latter category."

"You're going to destroy the world?" She voice is strangled, thin.

"Please, you lot do that just fine by yourself. I don't make suns implode or cities sink, I'm there when it ceases to be. This world will end but, and listen because this is important, _another will take it's place_. A world where this never happens."

"No outbreak?"

"No outbreak; and, if you're lucky, no annoying jumped up angel that thinks himself a god. But that can only happen if the spell is broken and I am free."

The mist breaks up, land appears and disappears through it. Rain begins to lash down, tossing the boat and Amelia clings on for dear life. Stubbornly.

* * *

"My daughter! Castiel! What happens to them now? What will you do?"

"You know I've really told you more then I should...I will do my job and so will they." He points out at the water and Amelia squints. At first she sees nothing but the frothy tips of waves but then suddenly she spots a boat with a dark solitary figure standing up in it. One boat turns into three, ten, twenty. Too many to count.

"Who are they?" She has to shout over the roar of the sea. Death sits calmly, he hasn't moved since she sat down.

"Don't worry yourself about them. We're here." The boat rocks alarmingly and Amelia is thrown onto the deck. She hooks her arms around her seat, looking up at Death. Stupid maybe but the fact she wasn't struck down the moment she saw him made her feel safe, that it must not be her time.

"Tell me, please! Will they die?"

Death tilts his head and sighs as the boat is lifted into the air and leans down to whisper into her ear. The boat smashes back into the sea and is submerged.

* * *

Claire takes in the image of the man in the white suit and experiences a strange jab of recognition. Castiel grips her tightly to him and Nick does the same. She looks up at him and is shocked to see that he's terrified.

"What's going on?"

Nick doesn't speak, his eyes seem to be glued on the man in the suit whose smile grows brighter. "Hello Nick, nice to see you again. I thought I left you for dead."

"What are you doing here Lucifer?" Castiel demands and the man looks him up and down, judging for a second before a pitying expression settles on his face.

"Look at you. I'm sorry that you've been reduced to this, truly. As for what I'm doing here your guess is as good as mine. An angel summoning charm I would assume." He looks out at the raging sea and tilts his head. "Well, this won't end well..."

Claire sees Jesse almost waist deep in the water and her heart jumps. Instinctively she moves to go to him but Castiel holds her still, shaking his head. "Jesse!" She shouts and he turns to her, somehow hearing her over the wind and rain. She blinks and suddenly finds him at her side. He looks at the man in the suit and stiffens.

"What are you doing here?"

"Hello Jesse, nice to finally meet you." His permanent smile grows warmer but there's a glint in his eyes that Claire doesn't like.

Jesse's face grows darker and he shakes. "How did you get here?"

"Someone summoned us but right now there's a more pressing matter to attend to. Gabriel, do you sense it?"

Looking as if he would like to be sucked into the sand Gabriel reluctantly nods, his jaw set stiffly. He drags his gaze away from the raging sea and catches her eye for a moment before looking at Castiel. "This won't be pretty. Kid, whatever voodoo you've got going on here really has squat to do with me, so just let me go."

"I tried the moment you got here. I - I'm not doing this." For the first time that she can remember Jesse looks scared.

"What is it? What's happening?" She directs this at Castiel but he shakes his head grimly. He knows but won't say.

"I want you and Nick to head back into the town ok? Is there a place that's been fortified?" He stares hard at Jesse who regards him coolly before nodding.

"The library, there's a bunker." Jesse takes Claire's arm, gripping tightly. "You need to take anyone else you find there ok? The door to the bunker is round the back." Claire nods, her gaze unable to leave the raging sea for more then a few seconds. She takes Castiel's hand, tugging him with her but he doesn't move.

"What are you doing?"

"Staying."

She rounds on him, anger eclipsing any fear. "Are you crazy? Look at you!" She points to his leg and his face hardens. "You're not my father but you're still the closest thing I have and I'm not going to let anything happen to him. So come on!"

"She's right," agrees Gabriel who begins to head towards the treeline, "I may not be hobbled like you but I'm not staying here to greet _him_."

"Charming..." The soft voice leaves a total silence in it's wake, as if the roar of the sea and air has been sucked into a vacuum. A pale man stands against the ocean, calmly surveying them. No one moves, no one makes a sound and Death sighs. "I would like this matter to be resolved as quickly as possible. I have _such_ a work load to get to, no thanks to _you_." His gaze pins Lucifer.

"How did you get here?"

"The more pressing question is why." Death flicks his gaze to Jesse who hasn't moved an inch. "I think you know why I'm here. In fact I think you've known it for some time."

"Please, you can't." The words croak out and his eyes shine desperately. Suddenly amongst all these people he appears so young, so small. "I - I just wanted to save them."

"I know but that wasn't your place. You have a different path." His cane makes poke holes in the sand as he comes closer and Clair stiffens, pushing back against Castiel who lays a hand against her shoulder.

"You can't do anything unless I give the order." Lucifer frowns and straightens and he seems impossibly tall to Claire. "These people are not on your list. I've told you that this place is off limits."

"Yes, so you keep reminding me. But why? Is it a ridiculous hope that your brothers will return? I don't think even you believe that. Why would you, you've won this war haven't you? No, you've graciously spared this place because you _need_ it."

"You seem to have me figured all out and seeing as you're on a roll why don't you enlighten them further." Lucifer's tone is droll but there's a icy glint to his gaze. He's furious.

Death smiles, if you can call it that. "You've wiped out most of the human race, only a handful of demons remain but this place is special. A place utterly devoted to safeguarding vessels. The only humans who can withstand angelic possession, it runs in their very blood, a remnant of a time when humans and angels came together, shall we say." His lips quirk and Castiel groans.

"Please tell me you're not talking about what I think you are?"

"The Nephilim. Your _brother_ wants to start a new race."

"What?" Gabriel shouts, shock stamped on his face. "Are you forgetting the last time they walked the earth? Dad was beyond pissed!"

"Understatement." Castiel shakes his head and eyes the silent storm nervously.

"Our Father? You really think he's going to care? Look at what his creation has come to and he did nothing to save it. This is my world now and unlike him I won't abandon it."

"You think this is a - a breeding ground for you? I won't let that happen!" Jesse shouts with disgust and Lucifer laughs.

"It was you that gave me the incentive to do it! You're powerful but you're still the offspring of a base demon and a human. Now imagine the power of a child conceived from an angel. You're nothing."

Jesse made a move towards him but suddenly Death was between them. His smile is gone and his eyes are glassy with anger. They appear empty to Claire and it makes her look away.

"Enough of this. None of this really matters. Now none of you will be able to leave this place until I am free." He stares at Jesse and he does not turn away like Claire, instead he seems to be calmed, his fists unclench, as he falls into Death's gaze. Something passes between them, beyond words. Claire thinks he sees an understanding there.

Jesse finally lowers his head, the eye contact broken and he nods sadly. "I need time, to think...It was all for nothing, wasn't it?"

"Try not to sound so nihilistic, that's my job. Thank you." Death lifts his hand and uncurls his thin fingers and Claire sees a cluster of rings sitting on his palm. Lucifer stiffens and takes a step back. "I wasn't that only one bound to you. Now my brothers are free." He throws the rings into the air and suddenly a blinding light and boom shakes through the air. Just for a second, in the glare that sears her eyes, Claire sees four figures standing together, triumphant and joyous before disappearing.

"No!" His roar is puny against the ride of the Four Horsemen but it still terrifies. He faces off against Death who simply points a finger at him.

"Today is not the day when we will have your final encounter. Go." With a crack the devil is gone and Death releases a long breath. Claire swears she can hear him muttering under his breath, "_if only it was, annoying little shit..._"

Ears ringing and spots dancing before her eyes Claire looks up from her crouch on the sand and finds Death staring down at her. He lifts his brows and begins to move off but then hesitates. "You look a lot like your mother."

"My mom?" Dread freezes her.

"She helped me cross over..." he looks up and along the beach, "you have five minutes. you better hurry." Claire stares with huge eyes and begins to run down the beach. Castiel tries to follow but falls behind.

"Wanna piggy back ride?" Gabriel jabs a thumb at his back with a smirk and Castiel grabs him angerely.

"Take me to her damn it! Now!"

"Still can't take a joke. Fine." He lifts his hand and with a snap of his fingers they're gone.

* * *

Three figures stand on the beach. Nick, who hadn't said a word, looks down at Jesse. "What did he say to you?"

"Did you know that there's a fifth Horsemen?"

"Uh, no."

"Yeah, me either." He gloomily stares into space as Death moves to greet Nick with a smile, who returns it like he is looking at an old friend.

"About time."

* * *

_Amelia?_

Dark figures dart across frosted glass, blurred and insubstantial. The light is so bright. There is a handle, curved and warm under her palm but it won't move when she pushes down on it. The door shudders slightly when she knocks against the glass and the figures stop for a moment, turn to look.

_Amelia?_

It's strangely overcast here, the light is filtered by something. Not clouds, something else. She doesn't want to look back or up, just ahead because something is there, waiting.

Music drifts in soft bursts from beyond the door, too faint to make out what it is but it's familiar. Then she remembers and drops to her knees. A small keyhole, light cutting through the gloom leads her forward. A golden bar, young and old reflected in mirrors. They twirl.

A hand rests on her shoulder and she closes her eyes. A smile forms.

_I can't go in?_

_No, not yet. I'm sorry._

_Can you open the door?_

_That's not for me, I'm somewhere else._

_Have you always been here?_

_I - I think so. Ames, you can't stay here, you have to go back._

Amelia let her cheek press along his hand and felt the cool metal of a ring press against her skin.

_You're dead?_

_Yes, but things have a way of coming back...Don't turn around. _

_I miss you, I never got to say goodbye._

_I'll see you again, I know I will. He told me that I would have to be patient, that one day I'd be free._

_Who told you?_

His hand squeezes her shoulder and she's pulled to her feet. She turns, unable to help herself and through the shadows that creep around her vision she sees blue eyes and feels a hand pressing against her face. Lips touch hers and they're blazing with warmth, searing though her mouth and down into her lungs. It leaves a burning ball there, like a tiny sun.

Amelia gasps as she's wrenched away into the waiting darkness.

* * *

"Mom? Mom?"

Claire freezes for a moment as she sees the figure lying in the sand. Waves lap around her mom's legs, threatening to pull her back in. A rush of wings seem to brush against her suddenly and she jumps as Castiel bolts past her and grabs her mother, hooking his arms under her shoulders and drags her from the sea.

He falls to his knees, tilts her head back and breathes air into her mouth. Claire can see her mom's chest rise and then fall, gently, like she's asleep. A frenzied feeling builds in her stomach, a prelude to a scream.

"Don't just stand there! Help me!"

For a moment she thinks Castiel is shouting at her and she becomes even more still but then the man she didn't realise was there brushes past her with a sigh.

"You know you can do this yourself."

"No I can't! Please Gabriel." His eyes, wide with fear plead with such desperation that the man - angel - seems to deflate and he nods. He falls to her mother's other side and tilting his head he presses the tip of two fingers to her abdomen. Immediately her mother arches off the sand and coughs, water billows out of her mouth. Castiel turns her to her side and she coughs and shakes.

A strange keening noise starts deep in her throat and it ends up gasping out of her mouth. Tears burn her eyes and she stumbles forward, calling for her mother.

Amelia, dazed and in shock suddenly focus on Castiel and pulls him down to her with surprising strength. "D - death, he - ah" she grimaces, swallows and tries again, "told me you would di-"

"It's ok, don't try to speak yet." Castiel whispers gently, stopping her but his eyes are wide with surprise. His arm comes around Amelia's shoulders as he helps her sit up. She shudders against him but reaches out a hand to touch her daughters wet hair, fingers skim across her cheek and Claire almost throws herself into her arms. Gabriel stands, looking over the now calm sea and then down the beach to where Death stood.

"He's gone."

The sun shines brightly, burning away the mist.

* * *

They stay in that strange little town, now empty. Once Death had gone so had almost all the residents of Zoar, including Jesse. No bodies were found, they just simply disappeared. Amelia tries to console her daughter, sad about the friends she had made who were now gone and she hopes that it eases the pain. That first night they had slept curled up together, like when Claire was small, sandwiched between her and Jimmy. She wanted to ask Castiel to sleep next to them but he just sat in the chair by the bed, watching. She doesn't think he slept at all.

Now they are alone in the room, Claire sat in the kitchen downstairs, a late breakfast. Amelia sits on the end of the bed, Castiel leaning against the wall opposite. The cast that had covered his leg is gone, thanks to Gabriel. If thanks is the right word.

Amelia look at him and tries to speak, she has something urgent to tell him, something important. She had tried to tell him before. In burns in her chest. But when she finally forces the words out it's something else.

"He's dead, Jimmy, he's dead."

"I'm sorry." He looks into her eyes and then casts them down at her bare feet.

"I think I've always known it, you always did. You tormented yourself with it." She stands and goes to him. He looks up at her now, tired and drawn. She brushes her fingers down his face. Stubble prickles her skin. "It's ok, I'm not mad at you anymore." She smiles, surprised at her own admission. There is this vast space inside her now that used to be so weighed down, tight with anger and sadness. It isn't an empty feeling but one you get when you stare up into a blue sky. Limitless.

"You're not sad. I thought, if you knew, if you accepted it you would...I thought I would destroy you."

"That's a little dramatic," she smirks and it softens into a smile. "I've spent my life chasing ghosts, holding onto the love of one...you know that I wanted to dance? I had Claire and I had to give it up, I could only teach it to others, watch them move on...If I hadn't married Jimmy, my life would be so different. Maybe it will be."

He frowns at her, suspicious and moves closer to her. "Is that really you? What happened?"

"It's me, I promise."

He stares into her eyes, trying to see something beyond. "But you don't seem to care."

Her smile falls slowly and she grows serious. She touches her chest, rubs it. "I care, of course I do but there's something you don't understand." She presses her hands against his shoulders, stopping him from moving away. "Death told me something, he said -"

"No, Amelia no." He tries to move back, shaking his head but she holds onto him. "Whatever it is, I don't want to know." He says it emphatically, grabbing her wrists in his hands. She grinds her teeth, that feeling in her chest thumping.

"I can't keep this to myself...you think I don't care but that's not it," she looks around the room, the window, back at him, "the truth is none of this matters. None of it counts." Her hands still trapped in his she leans up and, hesitating, brushes her mouth against his. His eyelashes flicker against her skin in confusion and he pulls back.

"This doesn't count?" His question lingers in the air, and maybe scared of the answer he doesn't let her respond. Pushing his lips hungrily against hers they struggle against each other, pushing and pulling, until they reach the bed.

* * *

Gabriel stands at the end of the hallway, staring out the window as Castiel passes. The street is bathed in light and it warms the surface of the glass. He taps it and turns to look at his brother.

"You didn't say thank you." He points down at Castiel's healed leg, who sighs.

"Thanks." He turns to leave but the look on Gabriel's face stops him. His eyes are confused, a little sad but his mouth quirks at the corner.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"What?" Castiel straightens, suddenly irritated.

"This." He waves a hand through the air, up and down. "You broke your leg, you have to sleep, eat. You're goddamn junkie. I mean, shit, I do those things because they're fun, but not you."

"So?"

"You're human." It's said softly, gently, like someone trying to break a death to someone. Gabriel frowns in confusion and Castiel seethes.

"You think I want to be like this? You know when they left they took it all with them."

"Did they? I've been down here a lot longer then you, Lucifer even more. We were banished for rebelling, same as you. But never, _never _have we lost the essence that makes us who we are, that separates us from them. They never took anything from you Castiel, you've done this to yourself." Castiel blinks, mouth open but is unable to speak. Gabriel smiles and pats his shoulder. "Stop punishing yourself for something you don't deserve. You don't know how lucky you are." He delivers a quick one armed hug and disappears, leaving Castiel alone.

He turns from the window and stumbles, off balance. The white plaster cast is back around his leg, even the scrawl of signatures is there. Castiel glares at nothing.

"Asshole."

* * *

I'm staying here longer then I should, he thinks sensibly, but really it's not long enough. It never will be.

* * *

He told her that he didn't want to know what troubles her but Amelia can see it burning in his eyes, part of the same knowledge that burns inside her. At times she feels guilty for wanting to tell him and even more for the insatiable way it starts to consume him. When it gets to much he'll grab her and opens his mouth to ask but his eyes flare with fear. So he kisses her instead, pins her beneath him and when he comes he covers her eyes with his hand.

It wasn't fair.

* * *

"You want to leave, don't you?" He stops pacing and flicks her with a quick look. The heat bakes the tarmac that runs in front of her house. To him it's just a stop before they move on. The tarmac gives off a strange but pleasant smell. Castiel shrugs and looks west.

"Dean needs to know what's happened." He moves slowly towards her, using a crutch he had found and sits beside her on the porch. Claire is asleep on the swing chair. Amelia hasn't told her about herself and Castiel but she didn't need to. Her daughter was naturally a taciturn person, like herself and she keeps what she knows private. Amelia hopes that's she's happy but that's a selfish wish. They speak quietly.

"When will you go?"

"Tomorrow. Will you come with me? You and Claire?"

Amelia look at her sleeping daughter behind them, thinks about the years it has taken to reach her and shakes her had. "No. This is the safest place for her."

Castiel nods and looks away. His fingers scratch at the plaster, over and over again before he closes his hand into a fist. His eyes shine a brilliant blue, catching the falling light and she feels a dull ache.

"I want to stay with you," Amelia whispers, " but - but I can't stay there and wait for it to happen." She watches his jaw setting and his lips thin before he turns to her. He says nothing with a great effort, opens his mouth only to shut it and shake his head. Amelia watches him rise and stares up into his face, knowing what he won't say. He could stay with her, come back but he won't. He walks into the house and Claire sits up, alert and silent. Amelia goes to her and bends down to kiss her hair.

"Are you ok, with this?" She gestures to where Castiel had been. Claire shrugs.

"It's weird," she answers bluntly and then shrugs again, "but he's not staying, so..." she trails off awkwardly and rises to her feet but doesn't enter the house. "I'm gonna walk around for awhile. I'll be back before dark." She smiles, small and fast and walks away. Amelia stares after her and remains there long after she's gone.

"Don't worry, she'll forgive you. I can see she's the type." Amelia turns quickly and finds Crowley leaning against the side of the house. He nods at her in greeting as Amelia steps back a few paces.

"How did you get here?"

"With the boy gone the way over is open to all. Well, for now. So, looks like you and me are going to be neighbours!" He grins cheerfully and rubs his hands together. Amelia rolls her eyes and then thins them.

"You were working for him, weren't you? For Death?"

"He needed the Horsemen's rings to break the spell that was binding them to Lucifer. If I got 'em I was promised this place." He walks to the bottom of the porch, looking up at her carefully. She laughs very softly, shaking her head. "What?"

"Someone told me something, about the future. Funny how you can strive for something so hard only for it to be taken from you, like that." She snaps her fingers and the terrible knowledge she bares grows easier as she sees something like horror dawn on his face. But he quickly chuckles, shaking it off.

"Everything ends sooner or later my love." He lifts his head and waves up at the house. He laughs. "I better be off before he tries to beat me up with his walking stick." He winks at her and walks away but then stops, eyes thinning against the sun. "How long have we got?"

Amelia doesn't respond and Crowley disappears as Castiel reaches her side, growling a curse under his breath.

"Don't worry about it, he can't hurt us." She takes his hand and leads him back inside.

* * *

The Atlantic ocean waves rubs back and forth at the shore and the wind roars in their ears. The sun casts long soft shadows out behind them and in the light her hair burns red. The boat rocks side to side, as if impatient.

"I think I should give this back to you." He holds the ring up between his fingers and she looks down at it. She glides the pad of her finger around it and it feels strangely cool in the heat. She gazes up at him and shakes her head.

"It not me you have to return it to."

He smirks and sighs, looking down and then squints his eyes at her, gaze inquisitive. "What if we trade? You give me your ring and you take this? Then we can both have things that don't belong to us."

She thins her lips for a moment and he can't read her expression at all. Then she smiles and slips her ring off her finger, bemused. As they exchange rings she seems younger, as she must have done when these rings were originally exchanged. He lifts his hand and brushes her hair back behind her ear, head titled to the side and regards her for a long time. The weight of it drains the youth that had rose momentarily to her face. _This is it_, she thinks.

"Tell me."

She stares into his eager eyes and she moves out of his hold and turns to stare at the sea. "I thought you were leaving because you didn't want to know."

"You could come with me but you won't. You said it yourself."

"And if you stayed the truth would push you away from me. I know it will." She tightens her fist around the ring in her hand and lowers her head sadly. "Ever since he told me I have this drive, compulsion to tell you because I think it was meant for you. It's your message."

He takes hold of her arms and makes her face him. His face belies a grimace that he can't hide. "Just tell me Amelia."

"It's the end of the world."

He chuckles, the tension in his arms slacking. "We all know that."

Amelia gives the fainest smile and then stares deeply into his eyes. "A year, you have a year. In the summer, when the roses bloom." She recites it clearly and he doesn't move, doesn't breathe. That small sun in her chest flares, grows small until it's just a warm flicker and that vast peace is alone. Wondering if he will keep her there until the night arrives Castiel suddenly drops his arms and straightens. She waits for him to say something and when he does the sun is touching the horizon.

"I've died before, this body was destroyed but I came back." He shakes his head with a strange humour playing over his lips. "You can't cheat death indefinitely. But that doesn't _matter_ does it?" His voice is bitter. He looks down at the ring in his hand and for an agonising moment she thinks he's going to throw it into the sea but instead he pockets it and looks at her.

Does he look at her differently? Does he blame her? Himself? She stares, unable to look away and no matter how hard she tries she can't read him at all. This is an angel, void of any human attachments or concerns. Its a familiar image, recalling the first time she had witnessed this angel with her husband's face. But then the longing had been clear to see and she had felt strangely comforted, if confused. She prepares to leave, thinking this will be her only farewell and how ironically fitting it is when he grabs her hand and pulls her towards him.

"_I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry_." He repeats it into her hair, against her neck and cheek until she feels his lips rest against her lips, mouthing his apology and she embraces him fiercely, crushing their bodies together as they act out their last goodbyes. She still feels the pressure of his body against hers as she watches him sail away, growing smaller until there's nothing on the sea but the fading light.

"I'll see you again," she stares up at the clouds, "god willing."

* * *

**_Coda_**

_Brain dead._

_Shrimping boat off Delacroix Island, Louisiana. _

_Yellow room._

The words ring his head from the time he had woken in this place, something to take his mind off the aches and pains that aggravate him. He looks at his bare toes and wiggles them, wondering if he'll be able to get up and walk without assistance. Making a simple phone call had been ridiculously taxing.

_This is what it's like to be human? How tiring._

"Did you get through to who you needed?" The nurse who had been looking after him asks as she walks in and Castiel nods. She takes the phone away and as she does he notices a cream envelope resting on top of the cabinet across from him.

"What's that?"

"Oh, I almost forgot!" She picks it up and passe it over to him with a smile. "It's from your wife."

Castiel freezes, the envelop clasped in his fingers. His already disoriented mind seems to whirl and he stares at the nurse in great confusion. Was she joking?

"My wife?"

"Yeah, she's been here for a few days, at your bedside. We contacted the police and they informed her. It's a miracle, she told me that you had been missing." She stares at him, unable to hide her curiosity but Castiel gazes at her blankly and she blinks. "Are you ok?"

"Yes. Where is she?" He snaps his eyes to the open door, half expecting her to walk in any second. The nurse looks sympathetic, for some reason.

"She had to go back home to check up on Claire, your daughter? She came on short notice and - well, we were uncertain that you would ever wake up again. But she was so determined that you would. I phoned her when you woke, I think she was a little shocked. She and your daughter should arrive tomorrow."

Castiel listened to this impassively, nodding when appropriate but inside his stomach was doing something strange. Now he knows how apt that phrase about butterflies is. He suddenly smiles and lifts up the envelope. It was addressed to no one.

"If you wouldn't mind?"

"Sure." The nurse smiles and exits, closing the door behind her. Taking a deep breath he rips open the paper and pulls out a small note.

_I know it's you, I knew the moment I saw you. The doctors said that it was a miracle that you survived, that you healed so quickly. They have no idea how true it is. I thought about waiting until you woke to give this to you but the truth is I'm a coward. I can barely look at you when you sleep so I don't know what will happen if we were ever face to face again. _

_They found Jimmy's library card in the lining of his coat, that's how they found me. They also found his wedding ring, it must have slipped through a hole in his pocket. Did you put it in there? I don't know why I'm asking. I'm really writing this to ask a request and I know that I shouldn't hope but I do. So please if there's any chance that I'll see him again, that you haven't forgotten me, then please take it. If not then leave it here and I'll know. I'll stop waiting._

_If you do agree please take care of it._

_Amelia Novak._

Castiel re-read it a few more times, until he could recite it word for word. The sight of her handwriting, small and neat, is so shockingly familiar to him that for a moment he doesn't know who he is. The emotions that flare up within him are at once alien and second nature and it's only now that he finds himself in such a depleted state that he realises that it's always been there. Another man's love, now his own.

Castiel can understand perfectly why she doesn't want to see him because he would never be able to look into her eyes. He wouldn't be able to hide it. Trying to clamp down on this surge of feelings he turns his attention to the envelope and the one last thing it contains.

Her wedding band is tiny and forms a perfect gold circle in the middle of his palm. It's shiny and well cared for, considering the age of it and he feels a stab of guilt. He had neglected Jimmy's ring, had took it off and pocketed it as soon as he noticed it. Out of sight, out of mind.

_Like her, like all of them. I'm such a selfish creature..._

He rubs his thumb over the smooth curve of the ring and knows that somewhere she's doing the same.


End file.
